I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
