let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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