i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
