There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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