Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
