I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
