hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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