I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
