so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
