Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
