I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
