Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
