i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
