Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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