shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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