i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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