Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
