Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
