I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
