I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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