Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
