You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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