Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
