the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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