worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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