talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
