I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
