i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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