Cold hands, warm shart.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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