so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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