I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
