OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize