I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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