I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
