she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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