Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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