all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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