You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
