she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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