No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
