tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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