Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
