I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
