It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
