wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
