he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
not ubering you a puppy
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