I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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