Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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