she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I accidentally burped into my bong.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We are all done wearing pants today
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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