I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
