it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
