she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
