sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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