I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
