I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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