I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
