If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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