I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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