I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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