My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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