I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
