Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
