why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
