I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
