READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
