My brain says no but my pants say off.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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