You just made me feel so damn special
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
