belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
