i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
