I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
