No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
