Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
