Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
