You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
