i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
