Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
